Dear Conan O’Brien,
Now that you’re jobless, and after all the ridiculousness NBC put you through, are you ready step away from the TV? We hope so.
I’m pleased to offer you a great new opportunity at Burns Marketing Communications — as our new Chief Executive Social Media Dignitary. (We can work on the title if you don’t like it. But we think that one has a nice ring to it.) C’mon. You know you want it!
You’ve done a masterful job outmaneuvering the network executives throughout this Tonight Show saga. It’s been awesome to watch. In fact, your adept use of social media has made them look pretty, well, foolish — while creating a tremendous movement for your team. You’re a genius, really.
We think your wit, cutting-edge creativity, and brilliant social media insight will have a tremendous impact for our clients. We’re even proud to offer you carte blanche creativity. Who’s going to say no to Conan? Not us. And not our clients.
So you’re probably wondering, “Who the #$%& is Burns Marketing Communications?” Well, we’re a little agency that thinks big, located in beautiful northern Colorado. (Not that you’d need to work from here. We could figure something out.)
Our clients include big names like HP, Intel, nVidia, Vail Resorts, and others — along with a stable of local and regional accounts around Fort Collins, Boulder, and Denver. Like most of the world, our clients are searching for answers to today’s marketing challenges. You know, they’re counting on agencies like ours to launch campaigns like your epic sendoff to NBC. You could make a huge name for yourself in this industry. Not everyone will want a big old middle finger like the one you gave NBC, but we’re pretty sure you’ve got many more huge ideas where that came from.
You’re probably also wondering how much this gig pays. Well, let’s just say it’s an honorary position. However, I’d be happy to give you some profound investment advice, so you can maximize that boatload of money you’re going to get from NBC.
Anyway, we’re sure you’ll make the right decision when it comes to your future. We just hope it’s with us. Call me. We’re open to anything you’d like. We’ll do all we can to make your transition to social media guru as seamless as possible.
Sincerely,
Mike Burns, President
Burns Marketing Communications
